"For each one who begins to weep, somewhere else another stops." - Samuel Beckett
Leading up to my second treatment, I had several days where I could say I felt normal. I wondered if that would ever occur and it is encouraging to know that the answer is YES.
But Treatment Two did come around. Today ends those 46 hours.
Walking in on Wednesday to Cancer Care in Starkville, MS felt comfortable. I saw faces that I had seen weeks before. Our routines must be the same. Some of those faces turned into women I had known when I lived in Columbus. Being the week before Thanksgiving, the treatment center had more going on than my last visit. I heard several announce that they were having their last treatment, as well as seeing those who were filling out paper work, which meant they were newbies.
All the recliners were filled and in walked Betty. I thought I recognized her, but wasn't sure. Since I was almost "dripped out" I insisted that she take my recliner and I could finish up in the "visitor's chair." Of course we started chatting and we remembered each other from Columbus. The conversation wasn't totally about our conditions, but I have found the community of cancer shares about the what, how and why of treatment.
It reminds me of my friend Mary Lou who has come through a double mastectomy and reconstruction surgery this year (which I am ashamed to say I had no idea, until she started reaching out to me when she heard my news.) She was giving me tips about taking the treatments and offered that they can be relaxing unless you happen to be by someone who wants to talk. OPPS!!! I am that someone!!! HA! I have tried to be mindful of what my neighbor would like to do...rest or rap...but I find it hard not to talk them up. And Kacy...I try not to get in their yard!!! HA
My sister-in-laws, Pat and Mary Ann were still my partners on Wednesday. I am trying to work out a schedule with others who have offered to drive me to give them a day off. They have been so supportive and have gone with me on each step of this journey. I see others come by themselves, but I feel so groggy by the end of the day, I wonder how safe a driver I would be. But, I am becoming less anxious about the process.
On Thursday, I can go by myself to receive the bag of vitamins. Sherry is the nurse that is always there, often the only one. But with the influx of treatments, Kara was there also. They are wonderful. What a calling they have to work with this community of cancer. (picture of nurses)
I had asked on Wednesday if I came early, could they get me going so I could leave in time to get to Rain's school for Thanksgiving. Dr. Hill was to be there and I would see him for my first visit after starting chemo. They were so accommodating and I was able to complete meds and see Dr. Hill. And made it on time for Rain!!
(picture of Rain)
So here are my updates:
-After checking my blood, the nurse reported my platelets were lower, which she said was good because it meant it was working.
-I think the only medicine right now that is having an adverse effect on my is the steroid. My voice becomes weak, kinda shaky hands, and last night was awake from 2:00 am. I have heard similar stories from others in the community.
-Meeting with Dr. Hill I found out more news. When I had the PET scan I called back to his office and talked with a nurse about the results. I understood her to say that I had lymph nodes that were compromised with tumors. I asked Dr. Hill could we talk about the results so I would understand the implications of that report. When he opened the report, I immediately read LIVER LEFT LOBE. I said...so it is in my liver. He said yes that is why I am giving you that fourth drug. I told him that I had been told it was in lymph nodes, not liver. He suggested that I always talk to him...good suggestion. So, with that being reported, I had been praising God that it was not in my liver, but now am praising Him that it is not in my lymph nodes. That system is big!!! I asked about surgery, but he is of the opinion right now to believe the drugs I am taking could take care of it. I also asked about my upper body...nothing there as well as my lower due to there being nodes on my pelvic floor...nothing was there. PRAISES!! We will know more about the activity in my liver at the end of treatment when another PET will be ordered.
The community of cancer is very populated. I am so grateful for the doctors and nurses who work in the fight.
Please pray for:
Jessie who just found out he has a rare form of leukemia.
Baby Cole who just had three months of chemo, a tumor removed from his liver, and three more treatments to go.
My cousin's son, Cooper.
2 year old Ryan on his 78th day after bone marrow transplant.
Bro. Mickey - leukemia.
Betty - leukemia.
Charlie - Colon Cancer and having liver surgery in three months.
Kyle - for a good report.
"But thou, O Jehovah, art a shield around me; My glory and the lifter up of my head." Psalm 3:3
Friday, November 21, 2014
Friday, November 7, 2014
Voice of Truth
The Voice of Truth
Take a few minutes and click the link above and listen to a song I heard on the way to work this morning. I have heard this song at various times during the years, and it always speaks to me about something going on in my life.
As you can only imagine...it spoke to me loud and clear about my journey to wellness. When you are faced with struggles do you have stories going on in your head? Confession: I do! I can carry on a conversation with myself about almost anything and often the loudest voice is not the one I should be listening to!
One of the lines in the song reminds me of a message in my heart after I was diagnosed. I felt the message to be, "This will be for your good...and my glory!" What a sobering thought. Of course...I could not see good then, but I have already begun to understand.
Let me share some of the good:
I learned how to ask for help.
And help came!
My children/step children are always a call away.
Kacy's family is moving to Birmingham.
Friends from my past who have gone through Cancer Treatment have reached out to me and supported me in ways that only going through treatment allows.
I attended Walk to Emmaus in a weak state but left strong.
I am reflecting on what life should really mean - what I should be doing to make it better for those around me.
The nurses at the Cancer Care Center in Starkville, MS are compassionate and caring for each person who enters. They knew my name when I walked in the second day.
I have completed one round. People ask how I am feeling. I do feel alright! I have not been sick nor do I feel any physical pain. I guess the only description I can give for now is...foggy headed! But...that could describe me before this happened!
Walking in the first day was a bit disconcerting. Mary Ann and Pat, my sister troopers were with me as they have been. Not knowing what to expect, my blood pressure was a bit up! Walking into the room where treatments would be administered, I was met with faces who knew what I was feeling because they were veteran cancer soldiers. They knew the routine. I had to retreat to the bathroom so they wouldn't see me cry...not sure if I was crying for me or them.
When it was my turn to get hooked up, of course finding the port was tedious due to my fleshy self! I was connected, but had to do a bit of leaning forward, lifting my arm to get the blood flowing. It did. Then came the bags and bags of different drugs. As many had told me, I was glad that I have the Power Port! It will be more comfortable during my treatments.
A Mennonite sewing group had made lap blankets and travel head pillows for those of us who come for treatments. I chose mine and will carry it each time I go. There was a comfort in that blanket knowing that caring hands, who have a heart for the hurting, made it for me.
I stayed in my recliner from 9:00 am until 2:30 pm. Brandon came and checked on me during my time there. He spoke positive and words of courage. I left with a battery operated pack that would keep pumping one of my drugs for 46 hours.
Day two: I had to return at 9:00 am to get another bag of vitamins. I was there until 1:00 pm. Day three: I returned at 9:00 am for the last cc's of the bag to drip and was removed from my little fanny pack.
I am now free from drips until November 19, 2014. The week before Thanksgiving! Boy do I have a lot to be thankful for!
"God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks to us in our conscience, but shouts to us in our pain." C.S. Lewis
When you need a voice in your head to listen to...Listen to Him.
Take a few minutes and click the link above and listen to a song I heard on the way to work this morning. I have heard this song at various times during the years, and it always speaks to me about something going on in my life.
As you can only imagine...it spoke to me loud and clear about my journey to wellness. When you are faced with struggles do you have stories going on in your head? Confession: I do! I can carry on a conversation with myself about almost anything and often the loudest voice is not the one I should be listening to!
One of the lines in the song reminds me of a message in my heart after I was diagnosed. I felt the message to be, "This will be for your good...and my glory!" What a sobering thought. Of course...I could not see good then, but I have already begun to understand.
Let me share some of the good:
I learned how to ask for help.
And help came!
My children/step children are always a call away.
Kacy's family is moving to Birmingham.
Friends from my past who have gone through Cancer Treatment have reached out to me and supported me in ways that only going through treatment allows.
I attended Walk to Emmaus in a weak state but left strong.
I am reflecting on what life should really mean - what I should be doing to make it better for those around me.
The nurses at the Cancer Care Center in Starkville, MS are compassionate and caring for each person who enters. They knew my name when I walked in the second day.
I have completed one round. People ask how I am feeling. I do feel alright! I have not been sick nor do I feel any physical pain. I guess the only description I can give for now is...foggy headed! But...that could describe me before this happened!
Walking in the first day was a bit disconcerting. Mary Ann and Pat, my sister troopers were with me as they have been. Not knowing what to expect, my blood pressure was a bit up! Walking into the room where treatments would be administered, I was met with faces who knew what I was feeling because they were veteran cancer soldiers. They knew the routine. I had to retreat to the bathroom so they wouldn't see me cry...not sure if I was crying for me or them.
When it was my turn to get hooked up, of course finding the port was tedious due to my fleshy self! I was connected, but had to do a bit of leaning forward, lifting my arm to get the blood flowing. It did. Then came the bags and bags of different drugs. As many had told me, I was glad that I have the Power Port! It will be more comfortable during my treatments.
A Mennonite sewing group had made lap blankets and travel head pillows for those of us who come for treatments. I chose mine and will carry it each time I go. There was a comfort in that blanket knowing that caring hands, who have a heart for the hurting, made it for me.
I stayed in my recliner from 9:00 am until 2:30 pm. Brandon came and checked on me during my time there. He spoke positive and words of courage. I left with a battery operated pack that would keep pumping one of my drugs for 46 hours.
Day two: I had to return at 9:00 am to get another bag of vitamins. I was there until 1:00 pm. Day three: I returned at 9:00 am for the last cc's of the bag to drip and was removed from my little fanny pack.
I am now free from drips until November 19, 2014. The week before Thanksgiving! Boy do I have a lot to be thankful for!
"God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks to us in our conscience, but shouts to us in our pain." C.S. Lewis
When you need a voice in your head to listen to...Listen to Him.
Monday, November 3, 2014
Forever Family
I have been thinking the last week about my family. (It took 6 weeks because up to now it was all about me!!! HA!) It wasn't until this morning I saw this on facebook that it allowed my thoughts to become words.
Family is so important, but never as much as when you are facing an illness, issue, and/or inconvenience to daily life. And...that is where I find myself.
Do we take time to reach out and hug or send up a prayer for the family members as they stand by and walk along side a mother with colon cancer, a dad with lung cancer, an aunt with breast cancer, a niece with leukemia, a husband...a wife? They are walking through the valley of the shadows along with their loved one.
So my shout out today is to MY FAMILY!!! Charles, what a great husband you have been but especially during this time of uncertainty. All of the hugs I have gotten from friends and family, I should have shared with you. You show me so much love. You won't let me be afraid. You speak life and pray in faith for my healing. But, thank you for shedding tears about me, too.
My children - to you I say, "I Love You." I will say it every time I speak to you. I want you to be sure and know you have been my best accomplishment! Each of you have heard your 'birthing story' on each birthday, but those were the best days of my life. Ryan, Kacy, Brandon, and Brent. Now as adults, you make me so proud. Watching you come into your own lives has been interesting and so fulfilling. The families you are forming are wonderful. It is not a comfortable place to be wondering what the near future holds. I have asked God for healing, and will believe it to be! I pray that those around you who know what you are walking through will grab you up, give you a big hug, and be there to listen, encourage, and walk beside you.
My children by marriage - Toby, Brooke, and Brian. For 16 years I have had the opportunity to get to know you, love you and be loved by you. Each of you have created a family that touches our lives. You mean so much to your dad. Thank you for keeping him close to your hearts, being there to visit when you can, and calling him to talk Ole Miss football.
Grandchildren - Daley, Rain, and Archer - the Sessers
Brett, Calie, Claire, Ally, Mason - the Bowens
(and those to come)
You have been icing on the cake for my life. You make life so much for enjoyable. Being able to watch you grow has been such a blessing. I pray I will be watching you for quite a while longer.
Families go outside that immediate boundary. Helen - Sisters - brothers - nieces - nephews - cousins! Each word of encouragement from you has been like honey. But, many of you have had to see changes in your immediate family due to cancer. I pray that my experience will not bring bad memories to the forefront. But that God's touch will be felt in a new and healing way. I am fortunate to have you in my life. The loved ones that were lost showed me how to trust in the middle of a raging storm.
So here is my update:
Power Port was"installed" near my left collar bone last Thursday. I have 11 staples to be removed in two weeks. To add insult to injury, the surgeon reported since I was a bit fleshy (ok - over weight) my port has a bit more tissue between the port and skin. Let's all be in agreement the nurse will be able to spot the port!!!
Wednesday morning, I will be going to the Cancer Care unit in Starkville and start this treatment process. I will be counting down the treatments on this journey to wellness.
Finally remember - when you see those family members in the back ground watching and waiting for that loved one - go up to them. Talk to them. Hug them. Let them know you understand what they are going through in their silence.
"Carry each other's burdens and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ." Galations 6:2
Family is so important, but never as much as when you are facing an illness, issue, and/or inconvenience to daily life. And...that is where I find myself.
Do we take time to reach out and hug or send up a prayer for the family members as they stand by and walk along side a mother with colon cancer, a dad with lung cancer, an aunt with breast cancer, a niece with leukemia, a husband...a wife? They are walking through the valley of the shadows along with their loved one.
So my shout out today is to MY FAMILY!!! Charles, what a great husband you have been but especially during this time of uncertainty. All of the hugs I have gotten from friends and family, I should have shared with you. You show me so much love. You won't let me be afraid. You speak life and pray in faith for my healing. But, thank you for shedding tears about me, too.
My children - to you I say, "I Love You." I will say it every time I speak to you. I want you to be sure and know you have been my best accomplishment! Each of you have heard your 'birthing story' on each birthday, but those were the best days of my life. Ryan, Kacy, Brandon, and Brent. Now as adults, you make me so proud. Watching you come into your own lives has been interesting and so fulfilling. The families you are forming are wonderful. It is not a comfortable place to be wondering what the near future holds. I have asked God for healing, and will believe it to be! I pray that those around you who know what you are walking through will grab you up, give you a big hug, and be there to listen, encourage, and walk beside you.
My children by marriage - Toby, Brooke, and Brian. For 16 years I have had the opportunity to get to know you, love you and be loved by you. Each of you have created a family that touches our lives. You mean so much to your dad. Thank you for keeping him close to your hearts, being there to visit when you can, and calling him to talk Ole Miss football.
Grandchildren - Daley, Rain, and Archer - the Sessers
Brett, Calie, Claire, Ally, Mason - the Bowens
(and those to come)
You have been icing on the cake for my life. You make life so much for enjoyable. Being able to watch you grow has been such a blessing. I pray I will be watching you for quite a while longer.
Families go outside that immediate boundary. Helen - Sisters - brothers - nieces - nephews - cousins! Each word of encouragement from you has been like honey. But, many of you have had to see changes in your immediate family due to cancer. I pray that my experience will not bring bad memories to the forefront. But that God's touch will be felt in a new and healing way. I am fortunate to have you in my life. The loved ones that were lost showed me how to trust in the middle of a raging storm.
So here is my update:
Power Port was"installed" near my left collar bone last Thursday. I have 11 staples to be removed in two weeks. To add insult to injury, the surgeon reported since I was a bit fleshy (ok - over weight) my port has a bit more tissue between the port and skin. Let's all be in agreement the nurse will be able to spot the port!!!
Wednesday morning, I will be going to the Cancer Care unit in Starkville and start this treatment process. I will be counting down the treatments on this journey to wellness.
Finally remember - when you see those family members in the back ground watching and waiting for that loved one - go up to them. Talk to them. Hug them. Let them know you understand what they are going through in their silence.
"Carry each other's burdens and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ." Galations 6:2
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